Tom Tom Club

Not what you think!

Stevie Nicks is an awesome artist and she is still bringing it. But…

Tom Petty has been my favorite artist since 1979 and will continue to be through my last breath. I try hard to think of a Tom Petty concert I may have missed, but to the best of my recollection, if Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers came to town, I was there. I first saw them in 1980 and then so many times before I last saw them in 2017, just a few months before Tom died.

Though he has passed on, his music will stay with me now and forever. I won’t quite say that Petty is the soundtrack of my life, but I think I can safely say that a majority of songs from the soundtrack of my life feature Tom and the Heartbreakers. Maybe it was the timing or maybe it was coincidence. Damn the Torpedoes came out in 1979, my senior year in high school and when I really started getting into music. Not that I didn’t listen to or like music. I was rocking the Eagles, Elton John, Zeppelin, and Ronstandt like any good 70’s kid, but when Petty came along, that is when I really started listening and maybe, I thought, he was talking to me.

Recently, I acquired some Tom Petty artwork, so I finally have something “TP” to grace the walls of my new abode. I don’t consider this a moment, but I thought this might be a moment to share my Top Ten Tom Petty (and the Heartbreakers) songs, because, well, I can (hoo boy, that is a bunch of commas in a short stack of words!).

This is the artwork in question – although it is substantially larger and it is framed. I see this every day and it reminds me that I am still…

Learning to Fly (Into the Great Wide Open) – I think this may be the Tom Petty song I most identify with. Many folks think it’s about drugs (some people think all songs are about drugs) – it is not, so let’s get that out of the way. You can take this a few different ways, however I perceive it as always trying to go forward in life, even though you may not feel prepared. As someone with anxiety, this speaks to me and is a guidepost or reminder to keep trying.

I'm learning to fly but I ain't got wings
Coming down is the hardest thing

Refugee (Damn the Torpedoes) – This was the one that started it all. I received the album (Damn the Torpedoes) for Christmas (thank you Santa!) and when I heard this song that was that. This is an anthem that still stands on its own today and maybe more so than when it was released based on the political climate right now.

Honey, it don't make no difference to me, baby
Everybody's had to fight to be free, you see
You don't have to live like a refugee
(Don't have to live like a refugee)

Running Man’s Bible (Mojo). Mojo is a bluesy album that sounds like the band had a fun time making. This song stuck out in the first several chords and is one I go back to again and again. It is yet another great story from one of America’s greatest story tellers.

Honey here's one to glory
Here's to bad weather
And all the hard things
We've been through together

Runnin’ Down a Dream (Full Moon Fever) – Tom was always great at creating imagery, even if you saw something other than what he was thinking about. The imagery in this song is colorful and clear. You can feel the wind in your hair as Tom rolls through the verses.

It was a beautiful day, the sun beat down
I had the radio on, I was drivin'
Trees went by, me and Del were singin'
Little Runaway
I was flyin'

It’s Good to Be King (Wildflowers) – This has always been my favorite song off Wildflowers, but it’s extra special since I saw the Wildflowers tour with my good bud Tater (Jana T). The lyrics touch on the benefits of rock and roll stardom, but also that it is not the only reality. The point is that the reality you see may not be the reality that is real.

It's good to be king, if just for a while
To be there in velvet, yeah, to give 'em a smile
It's good to get high and never come down
It's good to be king of your own little town

Runaway Trains (Let Me Up (I’ve Had Enough)) – The song has a haunting flavor to it, not to mention a hypnotic guitar riff from Mike Campbell. It is not something you hear often (if at all), but it has stuck with me throughout the years.

She says "I understand
I'm used to being alone
And holding my own hand.
I'm stronger than you know"

Saving Grace (Highway Companion) – Coincidentally, this is a great driving song. It reminds me of driving late in the night on a highway you have to yourself.

I'm passing sleeping cities
Fading by degrees
Not believing all I see to be so

You Got Lucky (Long After Dark) – I will be honest, this song hits home because I don’t feel that some people really get to know me before they move on. And this one sticks out because of some life moments when it was released.

You better watch what you say
You better watch what you do to me
Don't get carried away
Girl, if you can do better than me, go
Yeah, go, but remember

The Waiting (Hard Promises) – My anticipation for Hard Promises was off the charts. I think I bothered the staff at the local record store every day for weeks until the album finally made it out. And it did not disappoint, with The Waiting as the leadoff.

The waiting is the hardest part
Every day you see one more card
You take it on faith, you take it to the heart
The waiting is the hardest part

Casa Dega (originally a B-Side – re-released on Playback and the Deluxe version of Damn the Torpedoes) – A friend told me about this song and it took me years to find it; not getting to listen to it until Playback came out in 1995. It’s a great story featuring a place that exists and it is so – well, it is so Tom.

Baby I think I'm starting to believe the things that I've heard
'Cause tonight in Casa Dega I hang on every word

Thanksgiving Rules; Christmas Drools

I said it and I stand by it. Fight me with your words if you dare.

I love Thanksgiving. If I am not spending Thanksgiving with someone, I am preparing delicious BBQ (because that is my tradition).

However, Thanksgiving continues to get short shrift and would likely pass most people by if they didn’t get the four-day weekend that comes along with the Thanksgiving Holiday.

Let’s face it, a week before the clock strikes midnight on Halloween, Christmas decorations are lining the aisles of box stores, home improvement stores and even the local grocery store. And once 12:01 AM arrives on November 1, the commercials begin.

So allow me to help you count the ways Thanksgiving gets the better of Christmas.


There are no Thanksgiving songs. OK, there probably are a few Thanksgiving songs, but you never hear them, which is why nobody knows if there really are any Thanksgiving songs or not. You might think this is a disadvantage for Thanksgiving, but slow your roll just a bit there.


There are approximately a zillion Christmas songs and each song has 50 odd different versions by 50 different artists. You would think with all those choices, it could be a Christmas music nirvana, but you kind reader, are wrong. First, you do not get to choose and second, there are only about five good Christmas songs out there. Most Christmas music is sugary tripe that is beaten into your skull for 45 days straight because every radio station goes to an All Christmas All the Time format.

I am pretty sure the murder rate goes up during the Christmas holidays because Christmas music permeates people’s cortexes for far too long – how many times can Grandma get run over by a reindeer… ADVANTAGE Thanksgiving!


There are no Thanksgiving gifts. That is not to say that some thankful soul will not bring a gift of appreciation (normally alcohol thank you very much) for being invited to a Thanksgiving gathering. But as a tradition, gifts are not required for Thanksgiving, even though “giving” is in the damn title.

Christmas on the other hand is gifts to excess. As much as I enjoy watching someone open a gift carefully cultivated by me, the stress of gift giving can be overwhelming. Have you ever been part of a family where there are so many Uncles and Aunts that only the kids get gifts, but all the parents secretly hate it because their kids are getting too much crap they don’t have room for? Or how about gifts from far flung relatives that have no clue Johnny likes GI Joe with the kung fu grip and Janine is a soccer nerd.

And by the way, a scented candle is not a gift, it is a cop out.

Additionally, we have entered this void that once a kid reaches double digits, all they want are gift cards to Starbucks, Panera and Jamba Juice or cash. Where is the fun in that?

All that being said, the joy of giving that one person the perfect gift and seeing their face when they open it cannot be beat. So let’s call this a DRAW.


Sure, I will play along, but let’s face it, Thanksgiving is built around food. Food that you will only eat once a year and wonder, why don’t we eat this more often?

I am not much into turkey, but any holiday that gives me an excuse to use my culinary skills and then lounge around in a food coma is fine by me. And doesn’t everything taste just a little better on Thanksgiving? Is it the extra butter?

Christmas gives us ham and fruit cake? First, I have personally met only one person who likes fruit cake. I am going to make no more comments on the matter. Second, nobody wants ham sandwiches for a month. If they say they do they are lying.

Food on Thanksgiving is not just a tradition, it is a production. Food on Christmas is, “it’s Christmas, we have to do something nice…” ADVANTAGE Thanksgiving.

The Weekend

Many companies (not all) give you a four day weekend for Thanksgiving. If you take the whole week off, you get nine straight days off for the price of three days vacation. That is winning my friends.

Christmas falls all over the place and unless you take vacation, you could be back at work the day after. Who wants that? Nobody.

Additionally, the entire Thanksgiving weekend is filled with football. Pro football, college football, family football and more football. Let’s face it, Thanksgiving weekend is built around kicking back and relaxing. It’s not so cold that you can’t send the kids outside and there are ready made leftovers in the kitchen, so assuming a reclined position is a breeze.

Do you know what you are doing after Christmas, weekend or not? You are listening to kids crying over broken toys; dealing with kids fighting over not yet broken toys; or standing in a line to return the clothes that are too big/small or toys kids don’t want or need.

ADVANTAGE Thanksgiving.

Christmas Ruined Thanksgiving

Some people may remember when Black Friday was not a thing. Instead, the day after Thanksgiving was a family day to relax together, go on a hike together, or do some other chill activity together.

Black Friday changed that and it changed Thanksgiving. Now instead of a trove of people in the kitchen making food, 40 different sales flyers are spread out on the kitchen table and a gaggle of adults are planning their logistics for Black Friday like they are trying to eliminate an enemy. This is war! And it is a war that most people will always lose, coming up short as their plans are foiled by a longer than anticipated line or by people who would dare start lining up the day before.

I don’t want to stand in any lines. I don’t want to stand in a line when I can be preparing and eating delicious food. I do not want to be standing in lines when I can be commiserating with the people I love and care about. I don’t want to stand in a line to save 70% on a cheap TV the store only has five of and there are 100 people in front of me. Fuck lines, and fuck Christmas for ruining Thanksgiving. ADVANTAGE Thanksgiving.

And, advantage to all the companies who have decided to take a break from Black Friday (and Thanksgiving Day sales too) and have given that time back to their employees.

By All Means, Do a Virtual Race

Big pimpin’ Jamoosh is back again and this post is a tad less serious than the previous one…

Saturday mornings are normally my longer runs, but this morning brought something different. It was race day! Now obviously in these pandemic times, it was not a race teaming with hordes of other runners, but it was a race nonetheless. A virtual race.

Even for a virtual race there is a post race Whataburger

I have only done one other virtual race and that was many years ago when one of my far flung blogging friends created one because there were no races in his area during the winter months. It was fun and it was mainly in fun; no winners (or losers) and a good story to blog about. Ah, the good old days.

This particular virtual race is put on by the company I work for and is part of their annual Give Campaign. They partnered with Run Keeper and Race Roster to make it as official as possible. More importantly, this race is done for charity and before I toed the make believe starting line on Saturday morning, over $230,000.00 had been raised. That is straight cash, homey!

Trump will probably claim this was his idea…

It’s a beautiful race… a very, very beautiful race. I thought of it, believe me. My friends, who are really, really rich, tell me I have the best ideas. So, it will be an amazing, very amazing, beautiful race, that I thought of.

But let’s face it, Trump has never had an exercise related thought in his life. I would say the term “Trump exercises” is an oxymoron, but let’s face it, the guy is just a plain old moron.

My bad, a “fucking moron”

Speaking of morons, there are advantages and disadvantages to a virtual race. For example, there is no douche nugget seven minutes into the race shouting that you are almost there. Somebody should punch that guy in the face incessantly while saying, “I am almost done.”

If you are looking for motivation from the runners around you, sadly you are out of luck. And there is no free beer tent, which almost dis-incentivizes us less serious runners – but hey, it’s for charity. It’s for the kids (It actually is, in part, for the kids)!

But… Butter my butt and call me a biscuit, I have never had such good parking. I don’t think I could be any closer to the start/finish line. No need to search for a parking space that is potentially farther from the start line than the race is long? Sign me up.

Oh hells to the yes sir and thank you may I have another

Oh, I got to design my own course. If I only had a slip and slide… In all seriousness, I did choose a course that was not only light on cars, but would not impact my momentum because of stoplights, crosswalks and other such things you don’t have to deal with on a closed race course.

And how did this race go? I am glad you asked. First, apparently sacrificing small animals to the Weather Gods/Goddesses paid off because it was perfect 5K weather. 54 degrees with just the slightest breeze. Nice. Second, it was early enough before the bulk of other runners, walkers, cyclists and other such folks were out and about so the course was “virtually” wide open. (Did you see what I did there?)

It appears even though there were no other runners, motivation was not a problem for this guy.

Mile 1 – 8:45 / Mile 2 – 8:15 / Mile 3 – 8:06 / Overall – 25:58 / Pace – 8:22

Not bad for an older guy. I will take it. And I will take that post-race Whataburger Hatch Green Chile Bacon Burger meal as a post race treat as well.

If you can do a virtual race and support a charity, I highly encourage you make it so.

Jamoosh Gives You a Clue or Stop Posting Garbage


Sadly, I feel I need to write this section. Everyone these days is quick to assign a label based on a single sentence and I certainly don’t need that. Additionally, people these days seem to only deal in absolutes, “you think Black Lives Matter AND you support the police – that’s fucked up…” Also, it feels like you must be for or against and there is no room for conversation. So here is an intro to set the stage.

For the record, I lean Republican, but have never voted a straight Republican ticket. I am for limited government, although I do believe that in some areas governmental oversight, policies and laws are necessary (that said, the government does not have to be so damn bureaucratic about it). I expect to pay my fair share of taxes and I expect Congress to use that money wisely, building an infrastructure that State and Local governments can use as a foundation to successfully run and grow their states and cities by providing services all people benefit from.

I am not religious; however, I am spiritual. I do believe a variety of religious teachings are beneficial and necessary for society to function and I acknowledge that churches can provide community for a wide range of people.  

Additionally, equality is important to me. Regardless of color, creed or orientation, we can all be equal citizens contributing to our communities, cities, states and country.

I do not believe in socialism, however our current run of capitalism has left a wider gap between the haves and the have-nots and the shrinking of the middle class. As a country, we have the means to ensure people have basic entitlements – but nobody, regardless of station, should feel they are entitled to everything.

Just for kicks, let us do some hot-button topics…

I am against Trump for President, but that does not mean I am against a Republican for President. My ballot represents my values and sometimes that is a Republican and other times it may be a Democrat. I look beyond the label because some Democrats are more conservative than they are liberal, and some Republicans lean so far right as to be considered radicals.

I am not shouting “defund the police.” I do want there to be a conversation that includes representation from all communities regarding what we need our police to be. I want the men and women in blue to have the necessary training for the job we ask them to do. I do not want our police officers to be social workers, but I want them to be part of the social fabric of our communities.

I want our governments (at each level) to institute the programs and the infrastructure necessary so 911 operators do not automatically default to the police. Our police should be there to serve and protect, not to be mental health workers, dog catchers, day care providers, or social workers. Our police should not be the ones who are called upon because government has failed its people.

Well now, that is one heck of an opening. Let’s get on with it, shall we…

Here is a question: Do you panic or do you pause?

Do you blindly re-post memes and “articles” because they elicit an emotional response in you or do you take the time to validate the veracity of the source? Do you take a moment to understand what is being said? Sadly, on Facebook and on other platforms, most people seem to panic when they should pause.

Thousands of “publications” are flooding feeds with politically motivated “can you believe this” posts, which are nothing more than click-bait. These sites do not necessarily exist to promote a cause so much as they exist to make a profit. Because opinions are cheap and facts cost money, it is easier and cheaper to pump out bogus or misrepresented facts with an outrageous headline to get you to click and re-post because that improves their ad revenue.

And thanks to the proliferation of these types of sites on the internet, people (well-meaning or not) can find it hard to tell the difference between a crappy source and a reliable source.

It is Mostly Propaganda

Republicans and Democrats, right and left, liberal or conservative, there are a host web sites dedicated to promoting an agenda of some sort. There is nothing wrong with that until the truth and facts start getting twisted.

Propaganda is often a distortion of the truth with the purpose of making you angry or scared and the nature of Facebook (and the internet in general) speeds the spread. And that speed is exacerbated because people who panic significantly out-number those who pause.

Propaganda also plays heavily on your existing biases, seemingly confirming things you believe to be true or at least things you have heard.

The thing with propaganda is that it does not want you to think. It only wants you to agree. Blindly. You are expected to be so wrapped up in your patriotism or your support for the cause that you never consider looking behind the curtain.

The Mainstream Media

The Mainstream Media (MSM) is not what you think it is. It is a tag assigned to liberal leaning media outlets to make it appear the media as a whole has a liberal slant. However, consider Sinclair Broadcasting Group, an organization with strong conservative ties. Sinclair Broadcasting owns and controls more than 190 television stations across the country, making it one of the nation’s largest players in local TV and news.

Sinclair has been fined for presenting paid segments to the public as though they were news reports or programs. In fact, FCC investigators found that 64 Sinclair stations aired such paid segments as news more than 1,400 times.  Additionally, Sinclair mandates its stations’ newscasts broadcast pro-Trump commentaries.

Considering most people get their news from local stations, a company with over 190 local stations and a conservative agenda seems relatively “mainstream” to me.

My point is, liberal AND conservative politics are well represented across the so-called mainstream media.

Here Are a Couple of Clues People Can Get

If something seems fishy, Truth or Fiction and Snopes are unbiased websites that weed out conspiracy theories, urban legends, fake news and fiction that is being circulated on the internet. For example:

  • Multiple social media groups claimed that a “pro-police” march in support of law enforcement went unreported by the “mainstream media” in July 2020. In addition to misrepresenting the date of the event, the posts mislabeled a religious “Jericho March” as a “pro-police effort.”

Know the source. Media Bias Fact Check is the most comprehensive media bias resource available, letting you know how far left or right a news site, website or “publication” leans; the accuracy of their reporting; and whether or not they promote conspiracy theories. Some examples:

  • The Washington Post is “left of center” in their bias and their reporting is considered highly factual due to the use of proper sources and a reasonable fact check record.
  • Fox News is firmly “right” in their bias and their factual reporting is labeled “mixed” because they use pundits with poor records of fact-checking as resources.

Know the source part two – Many news sites are not news sites; they are opinion sites. Opinions do not make something true or false. On one end of the spectrum, opinions are the simple perceptions of an individual (vanilla ice cream is better than strawberry ice cream). At the other end of the spectrum, opinions are propaganda, meant to incite or induce an emotional response, even if there are no actual facts involved. Sadly, many opinion sites are disguised as news sites and their “stories” are as valid as something you would find in the National Enquirer.

Finally, pictures are often not what they seem. Never mind that manipulation is almost constant these days, but people use pictures that were taken months or even years ago to prove a current point.

  • Several right leaning publications/websites called Joe Biden and the Democrats hypocrites for not wearing masks at their convention in August 2020. As proof, these publications published three different images of a crowd around Joe Biden and Kamala Harris. No one in the photos — not the politicians present, nor the tightly-packed supporters — wore a mask. Of course, what was not disclosed is those pictures were taken in early March 2020 at a Joe Biden rally, prior to the public being encouraged to wear masks.  

What do you do?

I suspect (opinion by the way), most of you will continue to panic rather than to pause and that is your right. It is hard to pause. Pausing takes work; pausing takes you out of the moment and makes you think. But maybe you would like to think. If so:

Choose your news sources wisely. Facebook is not a news source by the way. Personally, my go to news sources are those that present accurate facts. Conveniently, the more right or left a source leans, the less accurate they are with the truth. My sources are centered or are slightly left or right (at least according to Media Bias Fact Check), but all have high or very high marks for factual reporting.

Do not surround yourself with only people who agree with you. This puts you in an echo chamber and you become more susceptible to bullshit and misinformation.

Ask why and look for the root cause. Some people are up in arms over protestors regardless of how peaceful or violent they are. Do you think maybe it does not matter to certain groups how people are protesting, only that they are? Do you think that what is being said in these protests scares certain people more than how it is being said?

Take a moment to pause. Even if you don’t want to take the time to validate something, you still don’t have to post it.

Why Does This Matter to Me?

There are a couple of reasons. First, I was a journalism major back in the day and I was taught you must be unbiased in your reporting and that you must double-check and verify your facts, so this current climate is distressing. Second, while I am not really a fan of Facebook (and its practices), it is a good place to maintain relationships. But whether it is friends or family, I didn’t connect with you to look at political memes, unverified and biased articles, and other crap. I want to know how you are doing because you are a relationship not a news source. I want to know the good and cool things you have going on because I cannot be there to participate. And yes, I do want to see your memes on how the Dallas Cowboys are distancing themselves from the Super Bowl!


Record fine for Sinclair

How Much Do We Need the Police

Local News is Trusted More than National News

Death Rattle of Journalism

News Type Varies by Whom is Watching

I’d Like Seconds, Please

Big Pimpin’ Jamoosh here. Today we are talking food. Good food you make at home, that is.

One of the best things my parents taught me, prior to their divorce, was how to cook. My sisters and I learned to cook at a young age, going from helping to make cookies, to tasks for Sunday brunch, to cooking an entire meal for the family.

S’mores dip for one!

Sadly, I do not think kids these days get much opportunity to learn how to cook; what with all the activities mom and dad are rushing them to and from on a daily basis, including weekends. It has become much easier to grab something to go or pop something into a microwave. By the time kids leave home the extent of their cooking skills is:

  • Read Package
  • Enter Time
  • Press Start

Or if you are especially good at math, press +30 the appropriate number of times.

Pork and chorizo tacos – yum!

On the other hand, when my sisters and I were kids, my Mom would hand us the Betty Crocker Cookbook and tell us to plan a meal. We would choose a recipe (or recipes) and the necessary ingredients would show up after the next trip to the grocery store.

The only downside to cooking was the arbitrary parental friendly rule. If mom or dad did the cooking, the kids did the dishes. If one of the kids did the cooking, the kids did the dishes. What the…

The COVID-19 pandemic has been a boon for people to re-introduce themselves to cooking at home. This is also an excellent opportunity to introduce kids to the joy of cooking. Let’s face it, they could use something that isn’t screen time.

For me, the pandemic has been an opportunity to try new things and truly relish home cooked meals. Being a consultant who traveled weekly prior to COVID-19, cooking for one was tough enough with only a night or two to eat leftovers before hitting the road again.

With travel off the docket for the time being, I can cook a variety of things on Sunday, or really, any day of the week, knowing it will not go to waste.

Stuffed chicken breast; wrapped in bacon; stuffed into a poblano – yes and please!

People have often said food brings us together and I believe that togetherness is the reason for my greatest food memories. It was the Sunday brunches we prepared together and ate together back in the day. It was the evening meal we ate together, nobody leaving the table (and dessert not being served) until everyone had eaten.

I remember dinners at my Grandparents house that would linger as conversation, across generations, was a priority. And I feel that is what I miss most. Meals have become an eat and run affair instead of an extended moment to relax with the people you care about at the end of the day.

Thai smoked ribs – oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, ohhhhhh yes.

Stepping up to the platform, I think it will be most excellent if as the COVID-19 pandemic begins to subside, we keep room in our schedules for some home based food traditions. Let’s keep some time for families to be together. Because these are the traditions that kids take with them to build their own strong families.

Glad That Is Over

I’m learning to fly but I ain’t got wings
Coming down is the hardest thing
I’m learning to fly around the clouds
But what goes up must come down

– Tom Petty

For those who may be unaware, Tom Petty is my favorite musical artist. It has been that way since 1979 and my fandom has not wavered over the past 41 years.

The song “Learning to Fly” is among the many great songs penned by Petty and it also resounds with me on many levels. Evens as I grow older, I continue to learn to fly and this past year in particular, I have come down hard.

But the thing about this song is that you always come back. You keep trying and despite a crap year, I am determined to keep trying.

Let me say I am not sad. In fact, if you are reading this on July 17th, I am probably hiking somewhere in Southern Oregon. I love day hikes, I love being on a mountain as the sun rises. It’s one of those activities that keeps my anxiety at low levels and my positivity at high levels.

Probably hiking in this area

And you can be sure that at some point today, I will be sitting on my relatively firm runners ass at a winery with some of my favorite people (my Sister Laurie and my Aunt Candy to name a few) enjoying a glass of excellent Oregon red wine.

INTERRUPTION! Please accept my moment – You know what, I just realized “shrubs” is a fun word to say. Shrubs… Shrubs… Shrubs… – OK, the moment has passed, thank you for the indulgence.

As humans, we are fond of endings and beginnings. A chapter that closes; a brand new start; and so on. We put significance around certain dates. New Years Day is always popular for a new start. The end or beginning of a fiscal year is something to celebrate or maybe not. Even our birthday signifies an end to another year and an opportunity to begin something new.

Today I turn 58. And as my 59th year on this rock begins, suffice to say, I am happy to see the last year in my rear-view mirror. It started with a deteriorating relationship that would end a month and a half later. Sadly, the other half of the relationship has no idea why the breakup was so hard on me and something I still struggle with today. So, it is likely better the relationship did end, even if it resulted in a bout with depression.

I found out I was suffering from depression because I went to the doctor because I could not sleep. Next thing you know, I am seeing a therapist, which is a good thing. I have suffered from anxiety my whole life and depression can be a by product. I have opted not to see a therapist for my anxiety and until recently never shared that anxiety is part of my daily life. The diagnosis of depression prompted me to see a therapist and, as mentioned, that has been a good thing.

A few short months later, I was off the depression meds and back to learning to fly. My anxiety will always be present, but I have a new found awareness that helps me manage it much better

Unfortunately, right as things were looking up, I had my identity stolen which is a whole crap ton of work that nobody should have to do. I got lucky as it was caught early enough to where I was able to put a stop to it before any real damage was done (knock on wood).

Things kind of sucked, but I still rocked a kilt!

Additionally, some douche nugget decided to use my LinkedIn information to create a profile on Elite Singles. Ladies, allow me to tell you upfront there is nothing elite about me. I am just an ordinary, average guy with a bunch of non-elite quirks.

Finally, as my 58th year was winding down, I was diagnosed with autism. I am not too terribly high on the spectrum, but high enough so that it does impact my life and at times the lives of others.

All that being said, there were and continue to be blue skies overhead. Although the covid-19 pandemic has hit many very hard, I have been fortunate to get to sit at my desk and work every day. I work for a great company (Microsoft) that is at the forefront of caring as much for their employees as they do the bottom line.

Anxiety and autism? Anxiety has been with me all my life and the autism is new. Sure – it is a big deal, but also a little deal. Little deal because I have a small core of friends who accept me as I am and who I enjoy hanging out with.

I also have a good therapist who is helping me with both my anxiety and to a lesser extent, my autism. And by the way, awareness and acceptance is half the battle. Once you have awareness, you can commit to doing something about it. One thing my therapist suggested is exercise is helpful for people with anxiety. Hence, I started working out consistently and my friend Bernadette has even mentioned I am starting to look a little buff. Bernadette, if I was in my 20s… 😊

My friends are good friends. Bob and Kristin have invited me down to fart in their pool multiple times this year, which is always a good time. Frolic, I meant to say frolic. Either way, some good moments. And my other good friend, Danielle, took me to a Texans game. Go football!

I am ready for some football!Thanks Danielle

My amazing sister, Laurie, and I continue to share awesome bottles of beer (and wine) with each other and our friends. Bonding with friends over food and drink is another one of my favorite things – everything in moderation though – except the joy! Nothing illustrates that more than the 21st iteration of The 12 Beers of Christmas, an annual holiday party I have hosted for – well, 21 years. It may the last one for a while, but it was attended by my best friends and favorite people and was one my most enjoyable parties to date.

Yes, there have been some dark clouds in my life this past year. But the weather always changes.

People come and people go. This past year saw someone I love very much move on, but at the same time I met some new folks to build friendships with. I want to especially shout out Brad, who is my brother from another mother. He gets me (I wonder how he looks in a dress. Wait, did I just say that out loud…). Brad has been a great addition to my community. My community may be a little smaller, but quality trumps quantity.

Nature is the best

I am also spending more time with nature. It is always good to be outside. Since relocating from Pearland to The Woodlands, I have been spending much more time outdoors. There are trails behind my residence, state and national parks just north of me, and the city of The Woodlands is built for people to be outside, with plenty of hike and bike trails. Nature and the outdoors has a positive effect on mental health, so more goodness surrounding me.

I’m learning to fly but I ain’t got wings
Coming down is the hardest thing
I’m learning to fly around the clouds
But what goes up must come down

Shit is going to happen, but a new day will dawn. Each day I will learn to fly. And each day I will come down. But on the good days, I come down on my terms. Here’s to more and more good days.

Trail Running – Mostly Good For You

Today is my first day of vacation and I opted to begin with a trail run at Huntsville State Park.

(Me, a trail and nature)

For those who are runners, trail running can give you a bit more bang for your buck than road running alone. Plus, you get to be in a natural setting and do not have to worry about idiot drivers, many of whom have not excelled at the whole evolution thing.

Most road running or sidewalk running doesn’t challenge runners from a coordination, agility and balance perspective. If you are running on a technical trail, which likely contains rocks, roots and is chock full of uneven terrain, you are working muscles and training yourself in a way that road running cannot match.

On a trail run you will likely be negotiating steep slopes, cutting around sharp corners and landing on unstable surfaces. Additionally, your gait is constantly changing and even the surfaces can change quickly. All of this helps help build your overall athleticism.

(Sometimes nature wins)

The more agile, coordinated and balanced you are, the less likely you are to fall. As you can see above, I have work to do. I have been up to Huntsville a half dozen times over the past few months and each time I have fallen exactly once. So yeah, there is that…

Technical trails require focus, so you have be wary of noises and the desire to take a look see. A few weeks ago, it was a woodpecker. I heard the familiar tap, tap, tap and made the cardinal mistake of looking up. And nature stuck a root in my path.

But even with a fall, it is always good to be hanging out with nature. In fact, science tells us that being outside is beneficial mentally. So trail runs are not only helping you strengthen your legs as well as improve your agility and balance, they also have a positive impact mentally.

(Happy to be here – I went that way!)

Balance, agility, coordination and strength are essential for all runners and trail running is a great way to improve each. If you are primarily a road runner, but have access to trails, you might consider working a trail run into your weekly routine.

Think Again

There is a lot going on right now and a majority of our country is screaming for change and rightfully so. Unfortunately, there is a roadblock to change and that is people of every race, color and creed are dealing in absolutes.

Over the past several weeks I have been told the following by opinion pieces in the press, protestors on the news and even Instagram:

  • Because I am white I am automatically a racist.
  • I cannot support Black Lives Matter and also support the large number of men and women in blue who serve and protect the right way.
  • If I don’t speak up, I am complicit.

These are absolutes and when we speak in absolutes we divide people, which is exactly the opposite of what we need right now.

Absolutes stem from duality thinking. Duality thinking is either/or thinking. Duality thinking, or the dualistic mind, contrasts things like good/evil, beautiful/ugly, smart/dumb, without realizing there may be a many degrees between the two ends of each spectrum.

Duality thinking is where stereotypes are created and perpetuated. Think about autism and one or more of the following comes to mind:

  • People with autism are savants/geniuses – The Rain Man (w/Dustin Hoffman) stereotype
  • People with autism have no feelings or empathy
  • People with autism are violent and are a danger to society
  • People with autism have no language skills
  • People with autism need a caretaker

Guess what? I have autism and none of the above applies to me. Tell someone I have autism and they will reply, “but he seems so normal” as if it is an impossibility. This is the result of duality thinking.

Don’t get me wrong, duality thinking is not inherently bad. We need a dualist mind to function in everyday life. In professions such as science and engineering, duality thinking is a must. For many types of decisions, we want a dualistic mind. But the lesson here is, we should not apply duality thinking to everything.

Now is the time for a little non-dual thinking. I know it can be hard to hold two seemingly opposite concepts to be true, but we have to try. We do not need to fit people into different boxes to determine if they are with us or against us.

I will continue to support Black Lives Matter AND I will continue to support the men and women working in police organizations across the country who live the ideal “to protect and to serve” every day.

I will support the men and women who don a police uniform every day to keep our communities safe AND I will acknowledge that reform regarding how and when we police is necessary.

I will support equality regardless of race, color, sex, sexual orientation or creed AND I will still care for the relative who thinks homosexuality is a sin.

The changes necessary to prove we all care that Black Lives Matter and the changes necessary to ensure people, regardless of background or origin, feel welcome and have the same opportunities as anyone else require a TEAM effort. And we need the biggest team possible. I want anyone who supports the cause to be on the team. And I don’t care if they like brussell sprouts or not…

Words Are Nothing Without Action

I do not know where to start unpacking the death of George Floyd and the ensuing protests that have grown not just beyond Minneapolis, but the United States as well. Saying the death of Floyd is a travesty seems to fall short of the mark. So, what do I say?

White people, like myself, are having a tough time with this and that is a good thing. We need to be uncomfortable right now.

It makes sense to want to comment about an injustice that has been the norm for longer than I have been alive. It makes sense to want to talk about supporting the cause of equality that has been too long coming. But what exactly do I say?

I am being told that if I am silent, my silence makes me somehow complicit. Hence, I should make some sort of statement. My white voice apparently needs to be heard.

But is that what the black community needs? I cannot speak for the black community; however, I would argue many of those who are speaking might be better off listening to the black community and then acting. When does the black community tire of the speeches and platitudes that ring hollow because they are they same speeches and platitudes that were trotted out the last time this happened…and the time before that…and the time before that. So many speeches; so many words; so little action.

The time has come to put the words aside and act. How does a white person act?

Activism. Show your support by marching arm and arm with the black people in your community.

If protesting is not in your DNA, then consider a donation to any one of a myriad of organizations that fight racial injustice. Or in these moments, perhaps donate to a group that is helping people protest safely and peacefully.

Perhaps the pandemic has left you economically challenged. There is still a way for you to act. In fact, everyone can and should do this. Vote. Voting only costs you time. Vote for politicians and leaders who will do something to not just promote racial equality, but act to get it done. November is rapidly approaching. Make sure you are registered to vote so you can push racist assholes like Trump out of office and bring in those who are committed to change.

I am registered to vote. And if a leader wants my vote they better have a plan for racial equality and they better have a record for getting things done.

My Brain Feels Like It Is Racing Uncontrollably Downhill

Anxiety is considered a hidden illness. Over 80% of people with a hidden illness downplay their true feelings to make others feel more at ease. I am one of these people.

There is a movement afoot to bring hidden illnesses to light; to help others understand what may be going on behind the mask.

If you think someone with a hidden illness is simply broken, there is no need for you to read further. But for those who would like to understand what can happen to a person who suffers from anxiety, feel free to continue on.

Imagine being unable to tell the person you love how much. Imagine being unable to tell a friend what they mean to you. Imagine not being able to make a simple decision. For many people (even most people) these are things that are easy to do and something people do on a daily basis. Me, not so much.

A Simple Decision Can Be Overwhelming

Many years ago (before flat screens is how many years ago) my TV died and needed to be replaced. I did my research (like I always do) and went down to the store (Circuit City – yup, that many years ago). It’s a pretty straight-forward transaction. Pick the TV you want; pay the money; boom – new TV.


I was a full-time college student, with a full time job, with another job on the side, trying to make ends meet. And, I suffer from anxiety. Trying to choose between two nearly identical TVs, at roughly the same price ($10 difference), with the same recommendation caused my anxiety to spike. When this happens, my brain goes into uncontrolled overdrive, like I am running downhill like a wild stallion loosened from any restraints. I pace incessantly or randomly walk around. From a decision making standpoint I am paralyzed. Much like your computer being frozen.

This may make absolutely no sense, but I need to do something entirely unrelated to get my brain to stop. My reset button (to tap back into the computer metaphor) is to do something disparate or un-linked to the moment at hand.

I walked out with a CD player.

I did not need a CD player. Sure, it was an upgrade, but a college student on a budget (no student loans thank you very much) doesn’t get to splurge.

This is how I operate with anxiety. The more anxiety I have, the more clear cut a decision needs to be, or I cannot make it.

A Day Without a Phone is a Really Good Day

It is not that I do not want to call (or text) the one I love, good friends or family. It is because I cannot. My anxiety tells me that I will interrupt their day or a call or text will be bothersome or worse, they could care less whether I contact them or not.

“I am thinking about you” or “I miss you” is a simple text to type and send to the person you love. Calling or texting a friend to see how they are doing should be easy. But for me, contacting another person is like overcoming an obstacle – like a giant boulder in the road. If you have received an unsolicited text from me, I probably deliberated for an hour or more and likely typed and deleted that text more than a few times, because in any given week I will type many more texts than I send.

You Mean More to Me Than You Think

I have not been in a lot of relationships and friendships are below the mean. The problem is me; or really my anxiety. My anxiety prevents me from knowing (feeling, understanding) where I stand with someone. So oftentimes I do not say what I truly feel and I do not do what I want in order to show I love and care about people.

Because of my anxiety, the easiest thing to do (or say) is nothing, but unfortunately nothing is not the best thing to do. However, this is my world.

In my world it took over three months to write and post this. But because I finally clicked on the publish button, I get to say this:

There have been people that have come and gone and there are people in the here and now. Please know there have been many smiles on the inside that were maybe not so apparent on the outside. I appreciate the times (whether they be few or many) and the interactions.

If I was in a relationship with you, I loved you more than you could probably imagine. I apologize for often seeming so closed off and for not telling you how much you meant to me.

Jana (Tater) – you are one of the coolest and most fantastic people I have met and I am privileged to have been your friend for so many years (decades even).

Danielle and Bernadette – you guys are far too young to be hanging out with an old guy like me, but I appreciate that you often make me laugh and smile.

Colleen – Best bartender ever!

Jeff – we are more than just co-workers and it is awesome we can talk about pretty much anything.

Kristin and Bob and John and Kris – You are my people. There is never enough time, but the moments are always worth the time.

Jon and Lynette – Running (and likely craft beer) has been the thread of our friendship over the years. I sincerely hope the running and the beer continues.

Coby and Fran – How can I not smile when you guys are around.

Casey, Kadi, Holly, Jett – I am not your dad, but you are the closest thing I have to a real family of my own and you guys mean the world to me.

LMSD – You are the best sister a brother could have. You are my buddy and you are my friend.